


Family

by Moomin_94



Series: Bridgerton and Sons [9]
Category: Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bridge Sibs, F/M, Grief/Mourning, No Plot, Some Fluff, all feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 04:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30133893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moomin_94/pseuds/Moomin_94
Summary: Anthony straightened his tie, looked out at the sea of black in the living room of their family home and felt his chest ache and willed, no begged himself not to cryORAnthony Bridgerton and each of his siblingsORAnthony Bridgerton reflects on How Kate Sheffield changed him
Relationships: Anthony Bridgerton/Kate Sharma, Anthony Bridgerton/Kate Sheffield
Series: Bridgerton and Sons [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2123757
Comments: 30
Kudos: 233





	Family

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Guys! 
> 
> First off, I'm so sorry this was so late! I did it again! I left myself 9k to write on my day off like a damn idiot! but here we are! Thank you so much for your continued support of this crazy little series! I can't tell you how thrilled all of your comments and requests make me. And i'm sorry, I know some of you have been waiting a very long time for me to get to your requests and I will! This weekend! I promise! 
> 
> Okay! On with the show! Thank you so much if you're still reading this, there is no plot, just feelings! 
> 
> Happy reading!

**_B_ **

_2007_

Anthony straightened his tie, looked out at the sea of black in the living room of their family home and felt his chest ache. His mother was sitting on the sofa, her pregnant stomach pulling her black dress tight, her head in her hands, breathing deeply, his aunt Billie rubbing slow circles on her back though Anthony could see the tears in her eyes, and willed, no _begged_ himself not to cry. Gregory was sitting nestled on Daphne’s lap, wailing, as Daphne rocked him, whispering in his ear, comforting him. His family had been broken, would never be whole again. Anthony’s chest felt tight, panic welling up in him, he had to go, had to get out of this room where grief seemed to press like a vice around his chest. He was vaguely aware of his feet moving him from the room, brushing past people who looked at him with sad eyes, pity really, Vaguely aware of Eloise calling out his name, he kept going until he burst into the backyard. The door from the conservatory banging against the wall of the house, the cool air hitting his face and finally he could breathe. Deep, body shaking breaths in and out. Anthony felt his heart rate slowing, the nausea welling up in him subsiding.

Anthony closed his eyes, sighing, letting his grief come, just for a moment before his responsibilities overwhelmed him again. He could do this, he could be the person his family needed him to be in this moment and all moments to come. And he wouldn’t complain. He would do it with a straight back and his shoulders square. Anthony Bridgerton would become a man that Edmund would have been proud to call his son. Anthony’s eyes flew open again at the sound of a quiet sob coming from around the corner. Anthony’s brow furrowed, anxiety clenching his stomach as he tentatively rounded the corner. The sight in front of him nearly broke his heart again. Benedict was slumped against the side of the building his jacket abandoned, his tie undone his head resting in his hands against his knees, sobs wracking his body. Anthony peeled his own jacket off, loosening his tie and slid down beside his brother, a slightly numb feeling overtaking him. Benedict looked up abruptly at the soft noise, wiping furiously at his eyes.

“Anthony, I’m sorry I just... I can’t go back in there.” He said, his voice thick, his eyes shifting down as more tears pooled.

“I know, Ben.” Anthony heard himself respond, his voice sounded hollow, as it had since it happened, and he wondered if it would ever be normal again. Maybe nothing would.

Ben let out another shuddering breath.

“I just... I can’t stop crying.”

“Don’t then.” Anthony said, tucking his arm around his brother, pulling him in close. He could feel Benedict’s shoulders shaking beside him, his heart aching as he stared straight ahead, despondent almost. Anthony reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief passing it to Benedict.

“It’s fine to cry, Ben.” He said, his voice gruff. Benedict looked up at him from the corner of his eye. Anthony still stared straight ahead. He had the horrible feeling that if he looked at his brother he’d fall apart. And he couldn’t afford to do that anymore.

“You’re not crying though.” Benedict said softly. And Anthony finally dragged his eyes to his brother’s. They were red-rimmed, tears pooling in his eyes, Benedict looked so much younger than his 16 years. Anthony’s chest felt tight again. Tight like it was when he lay in bed and remembered how his father had looked as he’d gasped for life and clung to Anthony’s hand and the echo of _Anthony, look after your Mum and siblings_ ringing through his ears and his own voice yelling _Dad! Dad! Please Dad! Please get up!_ Waking him from his dreams as cries wrenched from his body, his shoulders shaking, tears rolling down his cheeks. Helplessness washing over him. Anthony felt tears welling in his eyes, and his voice sounded choked.

“Well I don’t always do the right thing I suppose Ben.” He watched as Benedict’s brow furrowed slightly. And then, the question Anthony had been asking himself for the last week fell from his lips.

“Why did it have to be Dad?” His voice was soft, pleading. Anthony heard a choked noise realising a little too late that it came from his own throat.

“I don’t know, Ben. I really don’t.” Anthony choked out, leaning his head against Benedict’s.

“But, you always know what to do, Ant.” Benedict’s small voice said, echoing through Anthony’s head. And god, his chest ached, he could feel tears falling down his cheeks. He wished he could fix this, fix everything, trade places with his father who always knew exactly what to do and say.

“Not this time, Ben.”

_2022_

Benedict sighed as he flopped down on on the sofa, Anthony raised his eyebrow, tutting lightly. Newton yipped in greeting, standing on his back legs placing his paws on Benedict’s knee.

“Benedict, can I help you?” Anthony said dryly, barely looking up from the book he was reading. “It’s a Saturday afternoon, Shouldn’t you be with _Sophie_?” Anthony dropped his voice into the dreamy sigh his brother used to talk about his girlfriend. Benedict swatted at Anthony who ducked just in time. Silence settled between them, Benedict shifted uncomfortably, scratching Newton between the ears, who took this as an invitation to settle himself between the brothers.

“Sophie and I…may have had an argument?” Benedict said softly, still staring down at Newton resolutely. Anthony felt his eyes raise even higher with surprise. He closed his book with a snap, turning towards his brother.

“What did you do?” Benedict scoffed indignantly at Anthony’s statement, his eyes still fixed resolutely on Newton who was now belly up, tongue lolling out happily at the unexpected attention he was receiving.

“Bold of you to assume that _I_ was the one at fault.” Benedict muttered. Anthony tutted loudly.

“Well I doubt it was Sophie.” Anthony said lightly. Sophie Beckett was quite possibly the nicest person Anthony had ever met. Being around her was like being bathed in a warm glow, she had a remarkably optimistic outlook on life given the hand she’d been dealt. It was difficult to even imagine what an angry Sophie would look like. Benedict huffed.

“Is Kate not here? She always knows what to do.” Anthony tried to look indignant and failed miserably, as warmth flickered in his chest at the mention of his new wife. He felt a content smile spread over his face.

“I’m afraid my _wife_ is out with her sister this morning. You’ll have to put up with me this morning.” Benedict made a slightly disgusted noise, even as he kept his eyes trained on Newton, his fingers threading through fur.

“Anthony its been _months,_ has Kate really not regretted her decision yet? Wild.” Benedict said his voice dry, though Anthony could see his furrowed brow. Anthony’s stomach swooped a little, as it always did when one of his loved ones was hurting. He longed to fix it, fix anything he could for him. And yet,

“Benedict, will you please stop bothering my dog and tell me what happened with your girlfriend?” Anthony said with an irritated sigh.

“My, my, my, Mr. Bridgerton, surely I didn’t just hear you refer to _my bastard_ as your dog.” Anthony’s eyes shot to the doorway where Kate was standing, leaning against the frame, smirk firmly fixed on her face. Anthony’s heart did an odd little flutter at the sight of her and he wondered, not for the first time, if he would ever stop having this reaction to her. He forced his face into a scowl.

“You must have misheard, we’ll have to get you a hearing aid. Goodness, blind without your contact lenses and now this. Mary will have to thank me for taking you off her hands.” Kate rolled her eyes, as she made her way further into the room, making her way towards the armchair some distance from the brothers. Anthony caught her hand and tugged her into his lap, she toppled with a light huff kissing him on the top of the head as his hands wrapped around her waist.

“How was Eddie?” Anthony whispered softly resting his chin on her shoulder, the comfort that had been seeping into his bones as soon as he’d seen her, settling more thoroughly. Kate smiled,

“Good! She’s excited about going to New York, now that she’s resigned herself to it.” Anthony hummed in response. Benedict scoffed. Kate’s eyes flicked to him as though she’d only just remembered he was there.

“And to what do we owe the pleasure Benedict? I have to say if you’re asking advice from Anthony on Sophie, you’ve already made a misstep.” The smirk was on her lips again as she pushed Anthony’s hair back from his forehead. Anthony gave a little huff of mock indignation.

“I was actually looking for you, you know Anthony is useless at this stuff.” Benedict quipped, Kate chuckled at Anthony’s pout, Benedict paused for a moment, his brow creased. “What makes you… what makes you think this is about Soph?” Kate looked a little guilty for a moment. Anthony knew what was coming next.

“I might have… Ben I might have spoken to Sophie this morning already.” Kate said hesitantly, Benedict groaned. Kate continued “I was calling her about drinks with Lucy and me, and she just seemed a little upset is all.”

Anthony felt a small jolt of pride when he thought about his wife, taking it upon herself to spend time with members of his family. His previous girlfriends, if you could even call them that, had always acted as though Anthony’s commitment to his family was a nuisance, something to be overcome. And he was more than a little embarrassed to say he’d braced himself for a little of the same when he’d started dating Kate. But then, on their very first date she’d stood in Daphne’s living room and listened to his mother talk for nearly ten minutes about Hyacinth’s school work and made helpful little comments that showed she was genuinely interested. If Anthony hadn’t already been helplessly in love with Kate Sheffield, that certainly would have done the trick.

Anthony hummed “I’m afraid Benedict was rather ducking my questions about Sophie this morning. Would you care to fill me in?” Benedict seemed to look a little pleadingly at Kate for a moment who tisked at him.

“Ben, it’s very sweet that you wanted to take Sophie to New York with you but… surely you understand why it made her uncomfortable.” Anthony felt his eyebrows raise in surprise.

“Oh Ben, tell me you didn’t.” Anthony said, disbelief making his voice sound like a laugh. Benedict scowled at him.

“I only said that it was fine, that I’d pay for everything. Why is that such a bad thing?” He practically whined. Kate made a sympathetic little noise. Anthony sighed.

“Ben,” He started hesitantly, “Sophie has had to work, very hard for everything she has, and don’t get me wrong, the fact that you wanted to take her with you is very…”

“Sweet. It’s very sweet Ben.” Kate cut across him. Anthony rolled his eyes.

“I was going to say Admirable. But spending a lot of money on her is probably very uncomfortable for her because she feels like she can’t reciprocate, that it puts you on an uneven playing field.” Benedict’s eyes widened slightly in understanding. Anthony could feel Kate’s eyes burning hot against the side of his face. Benedict sighed.

“I just… didn’t want to be away from her for a month.” His voice was small, for a second he sounded like the 16 year old boy again. Anthony’s heart clenched, he cleared his throat.

“Then get off my sofa and go and tell _her_ that.” Benedict practically shot from the sofa calling out a quick

“Thanks, Kate!” And left, as suddenly as he’d arrived.

Anthony sighed, leaning back against the sofa. He could still feel Kate’s slightly intense gaze on him and looked up questioningly.

“You’re very good at that you know.” She said, her voice a little husky. Anthony felt his stomach clench and fought to keep his voice light, shrugging.

“I’ve had a lot of practice. Though I also know what it’s like when someone keeps rejecting your gifts.” He finished pointedly. Kate laughed brightly, leaning against his chest, her fingers twisting in his sweater.

“In my defence you sent five bouquets of flowers after our first date. What was I supposed to do?” Anthony couldn’t help but feel slightly indignant.

“You said you’d never had any before! And I just wanted to show you that I appreciate you!” Kate laughed again, her thumb smoothing out the crease between his eyebrows, Anthony felt himself relax.

“And that was very sweet. But £1200 is rather a lot of money to spend.” Anthony started to protest again but Kate cut him off with a light kiss, “I think I did fall a little more in love with you then though to be fair.” Anthony felt contentment well in his chest again. Kate tugged his hand until it rested over her still flat stomach and whispered in his ear.

“You’re going to be such a good father, you know.” It was several seconds before Anthony could speak again.

**_C_ **

_2009_

“This can’t keep happening Col.” Anthony said firmly to Colin from the driver’s seat of their mother’s car. Colin was staring out the window, his chin resting on his hand giving no indication that he’d heard. Anthony sighed.

“Colin I know that it’s been hard since-” Anthony started, fighting to keep his voice steady. Colin cut him off with a humourless laugh.

“Do you know though Anthony? You’re at uni half the time, Ben’s backpacking around Europe and where am I?” Colin’s voice was angry, spat from his chest as though they were painful. Anthony’s stomach lurched at the truth in his brother’s words. He knew he wasn’t doing enough, he was at university during the week and at home at weekends and he tried and tried and tried but he was just so tired. He waned to scream at the unfairness of it all, scream at his brother that he knew he was failing. But it was pointless, like everything else these days. So he stayed silent.

“You don’t have to sit there with Mum when she gets that look in her eyes when someone mentions Dad, and the girls are still so upset. Though you know Daph tries to hide it, and Frankie internalises everything, and Eloise just wants to talk about Dad but no one will let her. I just needed to get out for one night Ant!” Colin said, his voice choking at the end. Anthony could feel a lump in his throat and choked it down.

“I understand, Col. I know this has been difficult for all of us. Do you think this is what I wanted? I wish every day that things were different but they’re not.” His voice was uneven, he could feel the tears welling in his eyes, the road in front of him wavering slightly. And god how he _wished_ that he’d wake up one morning and his father would be back, and everything would be fine again. But it wasn’t going to happen.

“Going out and getting into fights isn’t going to fix anything, Col. Do you think Mum needs you getting arrested on top of everything else?” Colin seemed to deflate next to him, misery threatened to overwhelm Anthony again. Silence settled in the car as they pulled to the curb.

“I just feel so… lost? And you know exactly what to do, and I’m finishing school soon and I don’t know what I want.” Colin’s voice was childlike, and he was so young, they both were, though Anthony didn’t feel it.

“It’s fine to feel that way, Colin. It really is. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing either. We’re all just muddling through the best we can but,” Anthony took a deep breath to steady himself, “Dad would hate seeing everyone like the you know he would.” Colin put his head in his hands for a second, his shoulders moving gently with soft sobs. Anthony put his hand on his brother’s shoulder, wishing desperately to do something, helpless once again.

“I’m not saying we have to have all the answers, and everyone makes mistakes, me more so than anyone. But we have to try okay?” Anthony said gently as Colin nodded softly. Several moments of comfort passed between them before Colin sat up breathing deeply.

“I think I want to be an author.” He said quietly looking straight ahead though his eyes flicked sideways to Anthony gauging his reaction, before continuing quickly, “And I know that’s not sensible but-” Anthony cut him off gruffly.

“You just leave what’s sensible to me.” And he knew he’d do whatever it took to make sure his siblings were happy, even if he wasn’t.

_2022_

“Katharine Sheffield, you are an absolutely impossible woman.”

Anthony’s voice rang out through his mother’s living room, he saw his siblings attention shift slightly in Kate’s direction. Who, for her part, had barely shifted her attention from Colin and Lucy who seemed to be having a heated discussion focussed on a plate of sandwiches, though he could see the smirk curling the corner of her mouth. She turned as he approached an expression of wide eyed innocence carefully placed on her face. Ignoring his scowl she said,

“Is something the matter, honey?” Anthony tutted, so they were playing this game were they? Excellent. Colin was watching carefully, his eyes wide with mischievous delight, Lucy had frozen with a sandwich quarter halfway to her mouth.

“I just went outside to grab something from the boot of the car and I saw seething rather odd there. Do you know what it was?” He kept is tone light, conversational, light light anger he’d felt being quickly replaced by whatever odd thrill sparring with his fiancée brought out in him. Kate maintained her composure admirably, a look of complete bewilderment on her face.

“Did you forget the reusable tote bags?” She asked, innocently. A tiny flare of frustration sparked in Anthony’s chest but he tamped it down, god she was good.

“No, Kate. Not that.” Kate hummed thoughtfully.

“Well I’m sure I don’t know what you saw Anthony, I can’t be expected to read your mind.” She said, a little primly as a small smirk started on her face.Anthony tutted.

“What I saw, Kate, Was three stickers on the rear window. Two people, who I assume were me and you, and a fat little corgi.” The stickers had been stuck on the back window under a banner that read _The Bridgertons._ Anthony had caught Kate with the tiny little corgi sticker numerous times in the past month, foiling her attempts to stick it to their range rover, apparently this time he had not been quick enough. Colin guffawed loudly, Lucy was smirking once more eating her sandwich, and Kate bit her lip to hold back a grin, clearing her throat.

“Well, I’m sure I don’t know how they got there, Anthony. Perhaps Mrs. Smythe-Smith has noticed how sweet our little family is and decided to pay homage.” She said, laughing to herself. Anthony rolled her eyes.

“Really, Sheffield, allowing your bastard to live in my house is one thing, defiling my car with an ode to him is really quite another.” Anthony quipped, unable to fight the smirk from his face. Kate’s laughter echoed through the room forcing Anthony’s stomach to flip in response as it had the moment he’d realised he was in love with her. She’d laughed and he’d fallen at her feet. Damn her.

“Oh but you asked me to marry you, what’s yours is mine now, Honey.” She said, standing on her toes to leave a kiss on his cheek, Anthony felt his shoulders relax unbidden at the gesture. Kate turned to Lucy and said “I think I saw Gregory and Hyacinth arguing about who could climb a tree better earlier. I think you and I had better intervene.” And she swept away before Anthony could protest, clearly feeling the battle was won. And it was, but he wasn’t going to let her go that easily.

“I could still call off this wedding!” Anthony called at her retreating back, very halfheartedly. He heard Kate’s laughter ring out as she waved him off her engagement ring glinting in the light. Anthony felt Colin’s shoulder nudge his and heard his brother mutter

“As if you could.” Anthony turned towards him, with his eyebrow raised, arms crossed.

“And just what’s that supposed to mean?” Colin shrugged, smiling happily.

“You’ve spent so much time making sure we’re all happy, Ant. It’s just nice to see you let yourself be the same.”

Anthony felt a lump in his throat as he watched Kate from across the room, needling his youngest sister, laughing brightly. He’d truly never thought he’d be this happy ever again, never thought he’d feel whole again, and then Kate Sheffield had marched into his life, eyes flashing angrily and turned everything upside down. He’d tried to fight it, tried to ignore that it felt like she picked up all of the broken pieces of his life and threw them down into a new pattern, but he couldn’t. And now he could never be without her again. Anthony nodded.

“I am happy, too happy probably.” He said, laughing lightly to undercut the awkwardness he felt. Colin scoffed.

“No such thing, Ant. Shall I get a knife and we can start peeling off the mad genius’ handiwork?” Anthony shook his head.

“No, leave it. It makes her happy.” Colin raised his eyebrows, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Goodness, Anthony, that’s hardly very sensible.” He joked, in a prim little voice. Anthony laughed brightly.

“Nothing about my life is sensible anymore, Colin.” And he’d never been more glad.

**_D_ **

_2019_

Anthony was startled upright by the furious pounding on his front door, he got quickly from the sofa, marching into the hall, his brow furrowed, his heart pounding, suddenly on high alert. He swung the door inwards and found Daphne, huddled on his stoop her eyes red, shining with tears,he let out a choked noise and lunged forward wrapping her arms tightly around Anthony’s waist. Startled, it took Anthony a few seconds to respond, wrapping his own arms tightly around her, alarm and confusion mounting within him. He stepped backwards further into the hallway, tugging her with him, closing the door behind them. For several seconds he did nothing, holding his sister quietly, rocking her slightly, his chin resting on her head. After several long moments, Anthony whispered into the near silence.

“What happened, Daph? Are you hurt?” He felt Daphne shake her head against his chest. He let out a relieved sigh, though the confusion lingered.

“Did something happen to Simon?” He said gently, his irritation at his best friend long since passed, Daphne was fairly excellent Anthony could admit, not entirely impartially. He could hardly blame Simon for being swept away by her. Daphne breathing hitched oddly, and Anthony knew he was on the right track. Anthony pulled back from his sister and looked into her sad eyes, his heart clenched.

“Come into the kitchen, Daph, I’ll make you some hot chocolate and we can talk if you want.” He said gently, tugging her along after him.

“Do you have marshmallows?” She said, her voice small. Anthony laughed brightly.

“I do, and if you ask me very nicely, I may even spot you a Jaffa cake.”

Anthony bit his lip as he settled a mug in front of Daphne who was perched on one of the stools at his breakfast bar, her chin resting on one of her hands, staring down at the engagement ring on the other despondently. It had been quite a while since he’d seen one of his siblings quite this upset.

“We don’t have to talk about it.”Anthony said quietly, as Daphne refused to look up. “We can just sit here and enjoy our drinks.” Daphne sighed.

“Simon and I fought. Obviously, and I know he’s your friend so-”

“And you’re my sister. I’m always on your side, you know.” Anthony cut across her. Daphne smiled softly, but it fell from her face quickly.

“Simon doesn’t want children.” Her voice was quiet, a whisper really, but it echoed through the kitchen, bouncing off the tiles. Anthony felt his eyes widen in surprise.

He’d known about Simon’s adamant declaration that he’d never marry and have children, they’d both said it at University. Simon had grown up with his father belittling him, pushing him aside, telling him he’d never be worthy of anything. It was easy to understand why he might have an aversion to such a commitment, it was one of the things that had made Anthony so wary of Simon spending time with his sister. Women like Daphne longed for a family, they were born for it. Daphne had a career, and she was good at her job, perfect at it even, but their entire family knew how she wanted children. She was warm and maternal and maybe it was the product of growing up in such a loving family herself, even after their father’s death, maybe it was something deeper. Anthony had assumed that, given Simon had proposed, he had changed his mind, and maybe he had, though Anthony knew better than anyone how old fears could linger. Anthony sighed.

“And you do.” He said needlessly. Daphne nodded slowly, as though if she moved too quickly she would fall apart entirely. Anthony’s heart clenched.

“Daph, Simon didn’t really grow up the way we did.” Anthony said, softly.

“I know that, Anthony. Probably better than you do.” Daphne snapped at him, irritatedly. Anthony clicked his tongue, waiting for her to continue. “I know that his father was horrible, and he says that he wouldn’t be any good at it. And I know he’s just scared. I _know_ that Simon would be a good father, and I know he’d love our children.” Anthony nodded.

“Daph, you can’t push him on this. There’s no way to have half a child. If he doesn’t want children then he doesn’t, and isn’t it better to know now than in a few years?” His voice was quiet, afraid to startle Daphne.

“I know. I just… I always thought I’d have children. Didn’t you?”

And Anthony startled again. Because honestly, he didn’t know. He’d spent the last twelve years putting as much energy as he could into his family. Sure, Anthony _dated_ plenty, he was never without company if he wanted it. But in some small part of his heart he knew that he’d most likely never have a family of his own. He’d thought about it, years ago now, about himself as a father, and he found he couldn’t quite imagine it. He shrugged.

“Daph, I don’t know. But if you really want kids you have to talk to him about it, and if he still doesn’t want children then I guess you have to decide what you want more.” Silence settled between them for several moments. Daphne sighed and finally picked up her mug.

“I love Simon, I just don’t know what to do.” Anthony sighed, Leaning forward, resting his chin on his hand tapping the plate of Jaffa cakes towards Daphne.

“You’d be a great Mum, Daph.” Daphne sighed softly, picking up a biscuit.

“You’d be alright yourself, Ant.” And Anthony felt his heart clench again.

_2021_

Anthony smiled at his sister across the room, currently in a tight embrace with their mother, Simon smiling proudly next to them.

“What’s going on up there, Bridgerton?” Kate said lightly, nudging his ribs with her shoulder. Anthony’s arms around her waist tightened slightly. Anthony sighed dramatically.

“I’m trying to decide if I’m happy for Daphne, or going to kill Simon. It’s a very odd feeling when your best friend is married to your sister you know.” Anthony quipped lightly, schooling his features into an exaggerated thinking face. Kate laughed brightly, swatting at his chest.

“I know you’re happy for her. No matter what you say.” She said lightly, and then “And personally I can’t wait to see _Uncle Anthony_ in full form. You’re going to be like an anxious hen.” Anthony smiled.

“Well just wait until we have children, I’ll be positively unbearable.” The words had fallen from his mouth without even thinking. Kate stilled beside him, her eyes widening in surprise, her mouth hanging open slightly. Panic started to claw at Anthony’s chest. He’d been plagued since their engagement, and a little before that if he was honest with himself, with visions of himself with children. A tiny little version of Kate clinging to his hand giggling happily, a small boy with his eyes and Kate’s curly hair smiling happily, running after Kate’s nuisance of a dog. A life filled with happiness and light, and his chest ached. But he hadn’t want to spring it on his fiancée like a madman in his mother’s living room. Kate was still staring at him a little surprised.

“We… we want kids?” Kate said, her voice a little awestruck. Anthony’s stomach swooped nervously.

“I want kids.” Anthony said as firmly as he could manage, Kate’s eyes were burning into his, an intense look in them “But if you don’t then-” Kate cut him off with swift kiss.

“God help me, Anthony, but I want to have your melodramatic, stubborn children.” The broad grin stayed on Anthony’s face for the rest of the afternoon.

**_E_ **

_January 2020_

_“_ Eloise, why did I just get a call from Daphne asking where you are?” Anthony sighed at his younger sister through the phone. He could almost see Eloise shifting uncomfortably on the other end, trying to work herself up to whatever it is she had to say.

“I don’t want to work in PR Anthony.” Eloise said, a little petulantly. “I have a lot of respect for Daphne, but I don’t want to fix the disasters of drunk celebutantes.” Anthony sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, leaning against his desk a little heavily.

“El, I don’t think anyone expects you to fix anything. We don’t trust you that much.” He said laughing a little. Eloise huffed.

“Anthony, I’m trying to be serious! I want to do something with my life, I want to make a change somehow!” Anthony bit his lip. Of all of his siblings, Eloise was the most stubborn. Dare he say it, the most like him in a way. She’d graduated University a few months ago and been at a loose end ever since. He wanted Eloise to be happy, he really did but he also wanted her to be safe, and placing her at Daphne’s PR firm in a secretarial role had seemed like a way to keep her from being arrested at a protest and tear gassed. Not that he wasn’t proud of his sister’s views, and he fully supported them all, he was just a little worried that Eloise’s more reckless tendencies might have her embroiled in a scheme to bring down the British Government or burning down Buckingham Palace.

“El, I know you want to find a cause, something that really needs you, but Daph has really stuck her neck out for you on this. And you committed to this.” Anthony said firmly. He could imagine Eloise pouting at him, just like when she was a child.

“I know that Anthony.” She practically whined. “I really don’t want a lecture on responsibility right now!”

“Then don’t make me give you one Eloise!” He snapped, his patience gone. “I don’t have time for this today. Given I assume you’ve been screening Daphne’s calls she says if you’re not at work tomorrow, you’re fired. You committed to this Eloise, and we honour commitments in this family!” Eloise tutted loudly.

“Why are you being like this? You said I could do whatever I wanted when I left university!”

“That was when I thought you’d make the right choice!” Anthony hissed back.A knock sounded at the door and Anthony looked up ignoring the stream of curses on the other end of the phone. Kate Sheffield was staring irritatedly at him from the doorway, exactly what he needed.

“Eloise, look. I’m sorry, We’ll discuss this later, alright? I have to go.” Eloise huffed a goodbye and hung up the phone. Anthony sighed as he put the receiver down.

“Can I help you with something, Miss Sheffield?” Anthony ground out irritatedly. He could feel Kate’s uncomfortably astute gaze on him, grating against him. The last thing he needed as he felt the shame of how he’d handled the situation settled on his shoulders was this woman reinforcing it with her quiet judgment.

“I just wanted to tell you, the staff meeting you called is starting. But if you need a minute-” She said, her voice softer than Anthony had ever heard it, and somehow that was so much worse.

“No, Thank you. I’m coming now!” He said sharply standing from his chair and sidling past her, and odd heat rising in his cheeks as their hands brushed slightly. Anthony tried not to think about her odd intake of breath for the rest of the week.

_October 2020_

“Eloise Sybilla Bridgerton why are you loitering outside my house?” Anthony called out, poking his head out the door. Anthony had been watching Eloise loiter in the small front garden for the last ten minutes, chuckling to himself before Kate had hissed _For fuck’s sake Anthony go and get her before she has a stroke!_ Eloise startled at the sound of his voice very nearly toppling into the small rose bush by the window.

“Jesus Christ El, just come inside! Kate’s made scones.” Eloise smiled awkwardly and shuffled afterAnthony into the living room. Kate smiled brightly wrapping Eloise in a tight hug, patting her soothingly on the back. Once more Anthony’s heart clenched at Kate’s effortless acceptance of his family. Anthony cleared his throat.

“I assume you have something to talk about, because you usually bound into my home with reckless abandon.” Anthony said dryly, ducking Kate’s little swat of admonishment. Eloise sighed, eyeing Kate a little nervously. Anxiety started to gnaw at Anthony’s own stomach, his arm clutching at Kate’s waist to anchor him more firmly.

“Eloise I can go if you prefer-” Kate started

“No Kate, it’s fine, you can stay.” Eloise cut across her, sighing before she continued “I have a feeling Anthony will be a little more calm with you here.” Eloise’s ominous tone was doing nothing to settle the panic in Anthony’s stomach. Kate’s hand started rubbing soothing circles between his shoulder blades. He took a deep breath.

“Eloise, whatever it is we can figure it out-”

“I quit my job!” Eloise said loudly. Anthony felt himself freeze. Whatever he was expecting, it hadn’t been that. A relieved breath huffed out of him, laughing lightly. Eloise’s eyes widened in surprise, her mouth falling open, Anthony saw Kate’s eyes widen momentarily before she covered it with a look of polite concern. Eloise frowned after a few seconds of Anthony’s continued laughter.

“This isn’t how I thought you would react.” She said, a little suspiciously. Kate tutted

“I think he’s just a little surprised, El.” Kate said gently, moving to pull away from Anthony, who shook his head.

“Honestly, I’m relieved. I thought you’d gotten arrested, or were pregnant or-” Anthony started rambling, relief filling him, a little giddy. Kate cut across him at the slightly offended look on Eloise’s face.

“I think what your brother means to say is _Eloise, what are your plans?_ ” With a little nudge to his rib cage. Anthony cleared his throat taking a deep breath as he waited. Eloise bit her lip nervously.

“I actually, already have something lined up. I’m going to be a nanny.” She said quietly. Anthony felt his eyes widen in surprise, absolutely speechless. And honestly, thank god for Kate whose hand stilled on his back only momentarily before continuing with a polite surprised noise before saying

“Oh! How did that happen?” Eloise looked uncertainly at Anthony for a second, always unsettling, before saying

“I met the father, Phillip, on the tube after I quit. He looked so stressed and I said it looked like he could use a hand and he asked if I was offering and now I’m a nanny.” She rushed out, her voice tilting upwards at the end as though it was a question.

Anthony frowned, this was just like Eloise. Jumping recklessly into a situation, none of the facts and hoping for the best. But at the same time, he’d watched her these last ten months, working with Daphne, she’d been miserable. And every time she’d said _I have to work_ in that resigned toneguilt had welled up inside him. And here she was standing in his living room, nervous, but shifting excitedly telling Kate about the twins she was looking after and he suddenly said,

“I’m glad.” Eloise stopped talking halfway through whatever she had been saying, her mouth open as she turned towards him. Kate looked up surprised as well.

“What?” Eloise’s question came out as a surprised huffed.

“I said _I’m glad_. You hated that job at Daph’s and I just want you to be happy El.” He said, his voice a little thick by the end of the sentence. The next second, Eloise had her arms wrapped tightly around Anthony’s middle, Kate smiling softly at him over the top of his sister.

“I’m really proud of you.” Kate said later, after Eloise had left, when they were wrapped together on the sofa. “I know that was it easy for you, it’s hard when our siblings make choices we don’t approve of and you handed it very well.” Anthony felt pride welling in his chest as it always did when Kate expressed a compliment.

“I meant it.”

**_F_ **

_2014_

Anthony startled as the front door slammed shut, looking at Hyacinth questioningly.

“Frankie’s clearly feeling a little more dramatic than usual today.” Hyacinth said primly, returning to her homework. Anthony laughed at his youngest sister who resolutely ignored the heavy footsteps stalking up the staircase. Followed by the slam of another door. Anthony sighed.

“Hy, keep working on your spelling please. I’ll be back soon.” Hyacinth tutted lightly as Anthony left, walking cautiously up the stairs and knocking on the door of the room Francesca and Eloise shared.

“Hyacinth go away!” Francesca’s voice called out, in a harsh cry. Anthony’s instincts instantly alarmed, he pushed open the door. Francesca was laying face down on her bed her school blazer thrown off onto top of her backpack, her Doc Martens unlaced though still on her feet. Anthony sighed.

“Not Hyacinth I’m afraid.” Francesca’s head shot upwards at the unexpected sound of his voice, her eyes were rimmed with red, her mascara had run a little. Anthony’s heart clenched. Her voice came out choked when she spoke.

“Anthony please, just go away.” Anthony shook his head and sat beside the bed leaning his head on the bed.

“I don’t think I will.” He said, smiling lightly. Francesca looked stunned at his refusal. “I thought you were going out with John this afternoon.” Francesca huffed out a laugh, harshly.

“I think that would be awkward given we broke up today.”

Anthony’s eyebrows raised. John Stirling was a very nice young man, he and Francesca had known one another for years and when they’d started dating nine months ago, both of their families had thought it was a natural progression. Janet Stirling had been working in HR fro _Bridgerton and Sons_ for as long as Anthony could remember. It was silly really given they were just 16 but everyone had assumed it was quite sewn up.

“Frankie, I’m sorry. What happened?” Anthony said softly, tears were swimming in his eyes again. She was biting her lip to keep them from falling.

“I don’t know! Everything was fine, and then he turned to me when we were walking home and said _I can’t do this anymore Frankie_ and then he wouldn’t even tell me why!” Tears were running down her face again, Anthony reached out a wiped a tear from her cheek. “Was it because I said I wasn’t ready to-” She cut herself off as Anthony’s stomach swooped, his brow furrowing. As much as he didn’t want to hear _that_ from his young sister he doubted John was that kind of boy. He was always respectful when he’d spoken to Anthony, as was his cousin Michael.

“If that’s it Frankie, then he doesn’t deserve you anyway.” Anthony said firmly, staring into his sister’s eyes “Do you understand?” Francesca nodded slowly, Anthony felt himself relax.

“I know this hurts right now Frankie, but it won’t be forever.” Anthony said softly, Francesca scoffed rolling her eyes.

“And you’d know that from all of your serious break ups, would you Anthony?” Her voice was sharp, like a slap across the cheek. And he hated that it was true, that the only time in his life he’d been disappointed to lose someone was when his father had gasped out _You’re going to be so happy Ant._ And Anthony wished he could believe it.

Silence settled between them as Anthony stood, scooting her boots out of the way and slid dow beside her, tucking him against her side, his arm around her shoulder.

“How do you know if you’re in love Anthony?” Her voice was tiny and it made his chest ache, and a lump appeared in his throat.

“I don’t know Frankie, one day you’ll have to tell me.”

_2023_

“Do you think if I went up to Michael Stirling and asked him to carry me up the stairs like he does to Francesca in _Kilmartin_ he would do it?” Kate whispered in Anthony’s ear, her hand on his back. Anthony scowled at the handsome man standing across the Danbury ballroom, laughing happily with his mother. Francesca was standing some distance eyeing Michael carefully, and more than a little curiously. Anthony huffed, adopting an unaffected air as he responded.

“As long as he doesn’t do to you what he does to her when they get up the staircase, be my guest.” Kate hummed lightly.

“Shame. It looks like he’s really good at it.” Anthony made a disgusted little noise, at the thought. He was happy to watch the show to support his younger sister, but a man had to draw the line at watching his sister half naked in a sex scene. The way Anthony sat with his hand over his eyes always made Kate laugh brightly.

“I’m afraid that pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Bridgerton.” He whispered in her ear, a smug little feeling growing in his chest at Kate’s sharp intake of breath, she covered it by clearing her throat. The flush in her cheeks was more difficult to cover.

“Careful, Anthony, we already have one child, are you sure you want another?”

“Kate, I want as many of your children as you’ll give me.” Anthony said seriously, Kate’s eyes glazed a little, her smirk slipping into a soft smile, their eyes locked together.

“God, I knew it was a mistake to come to this thing tonight.” Francesca scoffed, sidling up to Anthony and Kate, her eyebrows raised. “Anthony, please stop looking at Kate like that it’s making the entire room uncomfortable.” Frankie finished glibly. Anthony dragged his eyes from Kate, who was fighting to hold back her laughter, to shoot a sarcastic look at his sister.

“Not enjoying yourself Frankie?” Kate said sympathetically. Francesca sighed, her eyes shifting back towards Michael who was now chatting with a young woman Anthony vaguely recognised as a model friend of Edwina’s.

“It would be fine if it wasn’t for… I don’t know.” She said shrugging. Kate exchanged a look with Anthony who cleared his throat.

“Kate was just telling me how much she’s enjoying the new season, Frankie.” He said, changing the subject slightly, hoping to change tacks. Francesca smiled brightly. Kate scoffed.

“Don’t listen to your brother. You know I think the show’s amazing but he’s just as keen to watch it as I am. Even if he does sit with his eyes covered like a regency society matron.” Frankie laughed patting Anthony’s cheek jokingly.

“Oh Anthony. That’s very sweet.” Anthony huffed, feeling his cheeks heat a little.

“Now Frankie,” Kate continued teasingly “If you could just ask the writers to get Michael to take his kit off a bit more for those of us very bored on maternity leave that would be very much appreciated.” Anthony scoffed, and Francesca laughed though Anthony recognised it as the same, slightly false laugh he heard on television, her smile falling just a little as Kate is called away by Daphne. Anthony let out a tiny huff, wrapping an arm around his sister.

“Do you remember when you broke up with John? This is what it feels like.” He saw Francesca’s eyes widen a little in recognition before she covers it with a shake of her head.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” And they both knew it was a lie.

**_G_ **

_2019_

Anthony frowned as he looked at his youngest brother, laying on his Mother’s sofa, his Nintendo resting on his stomach, his glasses askew.

“Gregory.” Anthony said, walking further into the room. Gregory sat up startled at the sound of his voice, straightening his glasses a little nervously. Anthony resisted the urge to shift uncomfortably, he disliked that Gregory always seemed so nervous around him, but it was an unfortunate byproduct of the circumstances thrust upon them by a bee, and a hiking trip, and a forgotten epipen. How he wished he could flop down next to Gregory and pick up a controller. But that wasn’t the world they lived in.

“Hey, Ant. What’s up?” Gregory said, a nervous smile coming to his face. Anthony’s stomach twisted.

“Gregory, this gap year, mate, it’s been more than a year. It’s time to decide what you want to do.” He said, perching himself lightly on the arm of the sofa. Gregory’s face fell, his eyes glancing down. They stayed there.

“Have you given any thought as to what you’d like to do?” He said, waiting patiently as Gregory fiddled with his T-shirt. The Darth Vader print Anthony had bought him for his birthday, when his smile had been so bright it had made Anthony swell with happiness, making him seem so much younger than he was.

“Well… I thought- I thought I might study law?” Gregory said slowly. Anthony felt himself brim with pride. He’d tried with all of his siblings to ease them into working at _Bridgerton and Sons_ most of them had worked summer jobs there, but by the time Eloise had vowed and declared she’d never wear a pencil skirt, Anthony had given up. He nodded gruffly.

“That’s excellent. Too late to apply for this year obviously, but you can be ready for next year.” Gregory had seemed to relax at Anthony statement. “We’ll see what’s to be done about getting you to work around the office while you study. It’ll be good for you to get a feel for it.” Gregory nodded slowly again, nervously. Anthony’s hand twitched to comfort his brother, but it felt awkward for some reason. This conversation was clearly taking its toll on them both.

“Cool, I’d like that. I think. Getting to work with you.” Gregory whispered quietly. Anthony felt his heart clench. He knew he’d neglected his youngest siblings quite a bit and it hurt to hear it said aloud. No matter how hard he tried he was never doing enough. Anthony cleared his throat.

“Well, I’m trying to poach Kate Sheffield’s assistant, but if I can’t get her I think you’ll do quite nicely. I actually think you and Lucy would get along quite well.” Gregory’s face had lit up in a tentative smile And as he left the room, he thought to himself that he wasn’t going to poach Lucy Abernathy after all. No matter how immaculate her filing system was.

_2026_

“Jesus Fucking Christ!” Gregory cursed next to Anthony as he fished his glasses out of the paint can. Anthony laughed brightly as Gregory grimaced.

“Bad luck Greg. We might have to get you one of those little straps to hold them onto your face like you had when you were a kid!” Anthony laughed brightly as Gregory shot him a rude hand gesture, furiously wiping pink paint from his glasses. Benedict had come by earlier to draw the rebel alliance symbol one wall, and a Tardis on the other. Anthony had rolled his eyes and said

“And what are you going to do when Lucy gets home and realises you’ve turned her child’s nursery into a homage to your nerd fantasies.” Gregory had grinned brightly and said,

“I think you’ll find that my wife quite enjoys a homage to my nerd fantasies, just look at her lingerie.” Anthony and Benedict had both made disgusted noises. While Benedict had offered to paint the nursery himself, Gregory had insisted on doing it, and Anthony had picked up a paint brush as Gregory had struggled.

“Are you excited?” Anthony said conversationally as Gregory turned to him, his eyes wide with excitement.

“I’m so excited! I can’t wait for her to arrive, and Lucy’s going to be such an amazing mum.” He said, though his face fell a little at the end, his brow furrowing a little. Anthony felt his posture mimic his brother’s.

“Anthony,” Gregory said softly, “Can I ask you a question?” Anthony’s eyes shot up in surprise, concern growing in him.

“Of course Greg, you know I’m always here.” Gregory paused for a second, taking a deep breath.

“How did you know that you were going to be a good Dad?” Anthony felt his eyes widen in surprise and his heart clenched for his brother who looked so nervous, even as he was so excited to start his new family.

“I definitely didn’t know I was going to be a good Dad. I still think maybe I’m not sometimes.” Anthony said softly, smiling as he thought about his sons, and the new baby that he was certain was going to be a girl this time. _Charlotte_ he thought firmly, his chest warming. Gregory scoffed.

“Anthony, you’re the best Dad I know. You were a good Dad to me, you know that right?” Gregory said, his gaze finally shifting to Anthony’s own. Anthony felt tears prick at his eyes, a Lum in his throat.

“Greg, I didn’t wake up one day and decide to be a good Dad. I love Kate, so much I don’t know how she stands it. And I love my kids and I just try to do what I think is best.” Gregory nodded as Anthony continued, “You love Lucy right?” Gregory nodded more emphatically.

“So much, Anthony. Lucy and my daughter are all that matter to me.” He said, And Anthony had never heard his brother sound so serious, so sure.

“Then you’re already there.” Anthony said, Pulling Gregory into a tight hug as he whispered. “Dad would be so proud of you Greg. And I am too.”

**_H_ **

_2007_

Anthony stared down at the tiny baby in his arms _Hyacinth_ his mother had said tiredly as she’d held Anthony’s hand tightly during the labor. _We’re calling her Hyacinth_. His mother was sleeping in the hospital bed now exhausted. The nurse had come a short while ago and offered to take Hyacinth to the nursery for the night but Anthony had shaken his head. He looked down at the tiny baby holding his finger with a surprisingly strong grip, and his heart ached. Tears pricked at his eyes. He wished his father was standing here instead of him. In the month since his passing Anthony had dreaded this day. And felt horrible for it. The day his father’s last child would draw breath for the first time and he’d never get to see it. He’d ached for it. He stared down at the tiny baby and known that this was the day he became a man.

“I’m so so sorry.” He whispered through his tears. “I’m sorry he’s not here. And I don’t know what I’m doing but I’ll try. I’ll try so hard for you, Hyacinth.” And he’d let his sobs shake him for the rest of the night, until he fell asleep holding his tiny sister.

_2022_

_“_ You are not my father Anthony!” Hyacinth screamed at him across the dining table and the entire family went silent. Anthony could feel Kate’s hand gripping his like a vice, could see his mother’s mouth open in shock and surprise. But he felt nothing, numb, not even as her words landed like a punch in the stomach.

“Hyacinth!” He heard his mother shout, starting to admonish her child, but Anthony couldn’t stay to hear the rest. Sobs were threatening to rip their way out of his chest as he wrenched his hand from Kate’s and nearly ran from the dining room, taking the same path through he house as he had all those years ago, the door to the conservatory banging against the house. And finally, _finally_ Anthony could breathe again. He leaned against the wall, the night air blowing softly around him soothing in its coolness. He felt tears slip down his cheeks as an arm wrapped around his waist from the side, turning him and pulling him against them. The scent of soap and lilies engulfing him and Anthony felt himself relax into Kate’s embrace, stooping slightly to tuck his face into the side of her neck, his tears socking into the shoulder of her sweater.

“She didn’t mean it, you know.” Kate said after several moments, when Anthony’s breathing had evened out a little. Anthony took a shuddering breath.

“Well, is she wrong? I’m not her father. He’s not here and I am and I just keep _fucking_ up Kate. And I don’t know what to do.” His voice broke at the end and Kate pulled back, forcing him to stare into her eyes. There was an intense look there, blazing really, his cheeks felt warm from the force of it.

“Anthony, you do the best anyone could. You were still a boy when your father died and you take such good care of everyone. She’s just an angry teenager. You should have heard some of the things I said to my father.” Anthony took another deep breath, laughing despite himself, Kate continued “You do an amazing job and your father would be so proud of you. I am so proud to be the person you chose, and I can’t wait to marry you.” He dropped his head back to her shoulder, murmuring a soft

“I love you, Kate.” He heard her breath stutter a little.

“I love you too.” She whispered as she ran her fingers through his hair, contentment slowly seeping into him as his breathing evened out.

Someone tapped lightly on the wall beside them, and Anthony pulled back from his fiancée surprised. Hyacinth was standing there awkwardly, a look of extreme guilt in sharp contrast to her usually contrary personality. Kate hummed, wiping the final tears from Anthony’s cheeks as she said “I’ll leave you to it.” Anthony felt the cold air billow around him as she stepped back, and walked past Hyacinth dropping a kiss on the side of her head briefly. Awkward silence swelled between them for several moments, the sound of a bird calling in the distance the only noise. Hyacinth finally huffed and said

“I’m really sorry Anthony. You didn’t deserve that I just-” Her voice cracked at the end and broke off. Anthony’s heart clenched and he lunged forward, wrapping his sister tightly in his arms.

“It’s okay,” he murmured “I get it, I’m not dad. And I’m sorry that he’s not here, Hy.” He had to choke out the words at the end. The words feeling just as fresh, just as raw as the first time he’d had to say the to his siblings outside a hospital in Kent. Wrenching them from his body, Grief threatened to overwhelm him again.

“You’ve tried so hard to fill the gap Anthony.” Hyacinth said sadly “I know that. But I hate that everyone else got to know him and I didn’t. And I never can.” Anthony felt his heart ache in time with the tears dripping down his face. He could feel her tears leaving a damp patch in his sweater.

“I know, it’s not fair. To any of us. Not to Mum, or me, and especially you.” Anthony whispered into the night, the gravity of them finally settling in, “But Dad would have loved you, so so much Hyacinth. And you have all of us.” He finished softly. Hyacinth pulled back, her eyes still shining with tears.

“Will you, tell me about him again?” She said, her voice tiny. And with a sad smile on his face, Anthony whispered,

“Of course. Always.” 

__

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos to you for getting through it!
> 
> Come hang out with me on tumblr @newtonsheffield ! The Bridgerton and Sons AU tag is becoming a truly wild place, a cinematic universe some have said. I'm actually very out of control! And there's a playlist for this AU on Spotify "Bridgerton and Sons" you'll know it's the one when you see the red door!


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